Setting Boundaries

Many of us find saying NO difficult.

When we are asked to do something our habitual response is to say YES.

We often say YES because being asked validates our sense of self, makes us feel needed and useful.

A common objective for coaching is to be able to better set boundaries.

This is something we learn how to do as children - or not, depending on the ability of parents or main caregivers to demonstrate and model setting boundaries for us.

Some of us are really bad at setting boundaries which can lead to overwhelm, exhaustion, resentment and demotivation.

Worse of all we can lose sight of what is important to US - what our own needs are … Our days can be filled with executing someone else’s ‘to do’ list.

I’ve been asked many times to put work in the diary - I’ve said NO many times.

That's the thing about putting in boundaries - it takes 3 steps:

1.    Recognise your needs. Mine is to rest and recuperate.

Many people don't know what they need. With this awareness we create a pause. Then, rather than be triggered into our habitual YES response we have a choice - a choice to say NO.

2.    Take the first step - the first NO is the hardest.

If you identify as a YES person, this is going to be hard at first. All sorts of limiting beliefs /negative thoughts will be activated …‘What will they think of me? ’What value do I have if I don't say YES?’

3.    Be consistent and unapologetic.

Others adjust over time to your boundaries. They will push against them. Hold firm - don't let yourself down.

And do it sooner rather than later. Practise before you are under pressure. Create the habit now. It’s liberating, freeing and ultimately you will be more productive.